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Space Ghost Anime 2 Anime: Episode #59.13p: Omae o Korosu
Written By Neko Athena^o,o^
Rating: R (violence, language, Space Dork... er, GHOST bashing, Heero’s psychosis, evil fun with the zero system)
Comments, Rants, Etc.: neko_athena@hotmail.com
Check out her site: NA's Pet Shop of Horrors

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^o,o^ “Whaddap, yo!! Well, if you know me even a teensy bit, or have been to my author profile, you should have known that this would come about eventually. When you’re a sadistic Otaku with a love for SGC2C, then this is usually the inevitable result. For some reason, I will continue to torture the Gundam Boys. Later, I will probably torture others, but for right now, I’m having a blast with them.”

DISCLAIMER~ I don’t own Gundam Wing or Space Ghost Coast to Coast or Ranma 1/2. Sorry. I wish I did, but, *dramatic tears like Kino* alas, I do not...

Zorak “Yeah, I wish you did, too, you’d make a MUCH better host than TADDY-WADDY...”

::Kurt Angle spontaneously appears.::

Kurt “It’s true, it’s true...”

^-,-^; “Erm... What the bloody hell are YOU doing in my fic?”

Kurt “Just passin’ through...”

^o,o^ “You on your way to another wacky anime/WWF crossover?”

Kurt, turns purple “Unfortunately...”

::The Rock spontaneously appears.::

Rock “Kurt, you better get your ROO-DY POO CAN-DAY ASS in gear, we gotta tag-team match against Lina Inverse and Sesshomaru!”

Kurt “Yeah, I’m coming.”

^o,O^ “Ouch... well, good luck... you’ll need it... And, for the sake of the Fangirl Brigade, go easy on Ses-san...”

Rock, cocks eyebrow “He the one with the claws and funny eyes?”

^o,o^ “Yup. And I’m serious... DON’T MESS WITH THE SES... Oh, what am I worried about, the great and powerful Sesshomaru shouldn’t have a problem defeating a couple of weak, insignificant humans, anyway.”

Kurt, whispers to Rock “I think she’s got a new—“ *does the quote-y finger thing* “BISHIE...”

^-,-^ “I don’t recall asking your opinion... now beat it before I decide to write a crossover fic MYSELF, and put you in a Hell in the Cell, no-holds-barred match with Majin Vegeta and Zero-fied Quatre.”

::With frightened yelps, the two wrestlers apologize and disappear.::

Zorak “That was... weird.”

^-,-^;;; “Tell me about it... since WHEN does Kurt Angle know what a BISHIE is??”

Zorak “....................................nocomment”

^o,o^ “Oh, well, I think at some point this was the disclaimer, so let me point out that I don’t own the WWF, either... so all you conspiracy-theorists out there who thought Neko Athena^o,o^ happened to be an alias of Vince McMahon’s can start down another path of logic. The thought of Vinny-Mac sitting around the “Mean Streets” of Greenwich in his spare time giggling at Sailor Moon manga disturbs me quite beyond belief. HOWEVER, I DO OWN THIS FIC! *ahem* Enjoy!”

**FYI** Space Ghost’s “name” on the show is Tad Ghostal. I didn’t make it up, Cartoon Network did.

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::Moltar is standing at the Director’s Console. He pulls the lever, changing the screen to an image of a very angry and wet Ranma-chan screaming her head off at a smug Ryouga, who is swinging a bucket tauntingly.::

Mol. “*laughs* Man, I never get enough of this stuff...”

::He chuckles some more as the sanity-impaired Kino points his blade in Ryouga’s direction, reeling off some poetic line about defending the “Pig-tailed Goddess’s” honor. Zorak walks up behind him, curious.::

Zor. “Whatcha watchin’, Moltar, that don’t look like CHiPs to me...”

Mol. “Oh, nothin’... just an anime...”

Zor. “That Japanimation stuff, huh? Is it better than those horrible Ultraman clips Space Ghost insists on showing all the time.”

Mol. “WAY better... check THIS out...”

::Moltar switches the screen to an image of Ryoko molesting a nose-bleeding Tenchi in the hot spring. Zorak’s eyes widen.::

Zor. “WHOA, MAMMA!!! That chick is NAKED!”

::Space Ghost picks this opportune time to fade in behind the two.::

SG. “Hey, what’s that?”

::Moltar quickly switches to old stock footage of a man trying to fly with huge wings strapped to his arms. Both villains turn around and look innocent.::

Mol. & Zor. “Nothin’.”

SG., skeptical “You weren’t looking at naked people again, were you? You know my policy when it comes to the ‘P’ word...”

Mol. “No way, Tad, it wasn’t Porn, it was HENTAI...”

SG. “Oh, okay, so long as it wasn’t naked people or anything...”

**AAAAAAH... AAAAAAH.... AAAAH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...**

::CUE THE THEME AND OPENING SEQUENCE...::

*sequence of Ghost Planet shots with various degrees of discoloring and static, while guitar music wails in the background with a female voice accompanying*

*shot of main stage with desk*

::Space Ghost fades in on the screen and waves to the audience as the theme song ends.::

SG. “Greetings, faithful viewers across the galaxy!!” gestures toward the desk “Tonight, you’re in for a real treat... No, none of the usual smart-alec, no-talent guests this time! Tonight’s line up is..."

::The camera zooms in and Space Ghost smiles in what he believes is a very suave and handsome manner.::

SG. “A doo-zie...”

::A few random claps are heard from the Audience of the Apocalypse[1], who remain for the most part greatly unamused. Haphazard cymbal-clangs and a single, ear-splitting guitar riff accompany Space Ghost to the desk as he fades in and gathers his note cards.::

SG. “That was lovely, Zorak... And now, without further ado, let me tell you about tonight’s great guest star line-up! For once, we are actually having OTHER super-hero-types on the show. Yup, although these boys may seem a little ‘wet behind the ears,’ they have already saved the Earth and several space colonies from the ravages of bloody war! My friends, I present to you...” voice echoes dramatically “a GHOST PLANET EXCLUSIVE.” voice returns to normal “For the first time since the end of the Mariemaya Incident, three of the five Gundam pilots will talk to us about their experiences and awe-inspiring powers!”

::Space Ghost continues to blabber like the blithering idiot he is. Zorak strikes up a game of Parcheesi with he bassist, and Moltar is busy priming the first guest through his monitor.::

Mol. “I can’t believe you guys actually agreed to do this show... you do realize just how screwed-up it is, right?”

Duo “Hey, no sweat, Lava-man! You live with the Perfect Soldier for long enough, you can handle ANYTHING.”

Mol. “*chuckle* Yeah, I guess so... Hey, can I get you guys to autograph my Endless Waltz Soundtrack later?”

Duo “Sure thing—“

SG., over speaker “MOLTAR!!! I SAID BRING IN THE FIRST GUEST!!!”

Mol. “All right, all right, SHEESH!” to guest “Sorry about that.”

::Back at the desk, Space Ghost stretches out his arms in an attempt to be dramatic as the TV screen squeakily wheels down from the ceiling.::

SG. “Ladies and Aliens, please welcome... DUO MAXWELL, the pilot of the Second Gundam!!”

Duo “Hey, everybody!! It’s great to be here!”

Zor. “It’s 02 Gundam, not Second Gundam, Space Jerk!”

SG. “That’s what I said! So, Mr. Maxwell, is this your first trip to space?”

Duo “Er... no... We kinda fought over half the war in space...”

SG., leans in close to screen “Are you getting enough oxygen in there?”

Duo, scrunches in seat “Yeah, but not nearly enough personal space...”

SG., leans back “What?”

Duo “Whoa, there, Big Guy...” waves hands around “noooo touchie...”

SG., ignores him “So... what kind of super-powers do you have, Citizen Maxwell?”

Duo “Well, I just so happen to be Shinigami!”

SG. “Bless you!”

Mol. “*groan* Space Ghost, that means ‘God of Death’ in Japanese...”

SG. “Oh... I knew that! So you’re... the God of Death? That’s scary!”

Duo “My enemies seem to think so...”

Zor., eyes wide “SWEET!”

Mol. “That’s awesome!”

SG. “And what sort of powers do Gods of Death have?”

Duo “Well, my mobile suit, Gundam Deathscythe Hell Custom—“

SG., grits teeth “Come again, Soldier?”

Duo “Eh?”

SG. “Heheheheh... I think you said a naughty word... we don’t like naughty words here, just like we don’t allow any of the ‘P’ word.”

Duo, nods vehemently “I agree completely. I don’t take any of that crap, either.”

SG. “Well, then... neither do we.”

Duo “*chuckles* I have no idea what you’re saying...”

SG., annoyed “So... about these... super-powers...”

Duo “Right, right, well... Deathscythe Hell Custom—“

SG., grits teeth again “There you go again. Potty-mouth.”

Duo, ignores him “has a Beam-Scythe, Active Cloak, and a whole lot of other cool features...”

**Zorak chants ‘HELL’ in the background over and over**

SG. “Active Cloak... is that to keep your robot warm?”

Duo “No, it hides my suit from all forms of radar and...” giggles at Zorak “other forms of detection.”

SG. “So it’s like you robot is wearing an Inviso-Belt!!” leans forward “I got one o’ those, too, you know.”

Duo, backs away again “Hey now... back off there...”

Zorak, ends chanting “HELL!!!”

SG., whips around pointing “ZORAK! I’ll have none of your sassy-lip tonight!”

Duo “Thanks, man, I was gettin’ scared...”

SG. “Scared?” leans in close “Of what?”

Duo, back away “Whoa...”

Zor., shakes fist “For the love a’ Shinigami, Space Freak, back off!!!”

Mol., points at his screen angrily “Yeah, leave ‘im alone, TAD!”

Duo “Hey, I know this Maxwell Charm is irresistible, but you gotta control yourself here, man!”

SG., leans back “I don’t get it.”

Duo, under his breath “Space Freak...”

SG., leans in “What was that? Speak up, Son!”

Duo “AH!”

::Suddenly the image changes, and Space Ghost is staring down the barrel of a Colt .45. A disturbingly monotone voice growls out of the monitor.::

Hee. “OMAE O KOROSU, BAKAYARO!”

SG., jumps back “Jumpin’ Jeremiah-was-a-bullfrog!! What in the Ten Rings of Vega is that??!!”

Mol. “Tad Ghostal, the Perfect Moron... meet Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier.”

::Moltar and Zorak explode in peals of evil laughter. Space Ghost is still frozen in shock. Slowly, the gun lowers to reveal Heero sitting next to Wu-Fei, both looking infinitely pissed off. Space Ghost tentatively wheels closer in his chair, wary of the brunette with the blood-chilling look in his eyes.::

SG. “Uh... Greetings, Citizens... Ha ha... I assume the one with the firearm is Yuy?”

Mol. “Yup.”

SG. “Then who might this other fine fellow be?”

Wu. “My name is Chang Wu-Fei, baka.”

SG. “Moltar... did he just call me a dog?”

Mol. “No, he did not call you a dog... *snickers*”

Zor. “*snicker*”

SG. “Huh?”

Wu. “Baka.”

SG. “What? I don’t get any of this, SPEAK THE KING’S ENGLISH, MAN!”

Hee., cocks gun again “Omae o korosu.”

SG., imitating Hee. “Oh my! Uncle Ross sues!”

Hee. “*growling*”

Wu., draws katana “INJUSTICE!!”

SG., jumps up “WHAT!? WHERE!?!?”

::Space Ghost flies off in no particular direction to put a stop to the injustice. Strangely, by doing so, he succeeds. Zorak and Moltar enjoy another round of evil laughter. Wu-Fei begins to meditate and Heero is busy speaking into a tiny cellular phone. After a few more moments, He zooms back in and behind his desk.::

SG. “All right.” taps note cards “I didn’t find any INJUSTICE out there... So far I’ve had to put up with a Potty-Mouth, and now there’s a Fibber amongst us, too.”

Hee., snaps off phone “Ninmu ryoukai.[2]”

Wu., still meditating “Baaaaaaaaaaa-ka.”

Zor. “Baka.”

Mol. “Baka.”

SG. “Ooookay... yeah... On with the interview... Any of you in there have any super-powers... besides being big, fat Fibbers, I mean...”

Hee., looks up “Hn.”

SG. “That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. Moltar! Bring me an English... English/Whatever-it-is-they’re-speaking dictionary so I can figure out how to conduct this interview.”

Mol., walks up “Here...”

::Moltar slams a book entitled “The Beginner’s Otaku Dictionary of Common Anime Words and Phrases” on the desk, then walks away, muttering to himself.::

Mol. “Baka...”

SG., gets out reading glasses “Okay, now, that’s better... let’s see... B-A-K-A...”

::There is a long silence while Tad flips through the book. He looks up at the two guests, one of which is enjoying a nice Ginseng tea, the other of which is assembling what appears to be an anti-aircraft interceptor missile launcher. The parts for the launcher have apparently appeared from “Spandex Space”. His eyes narrow suspiciously as he slowly puts down the book.::

SG. “Hey... that wasn’t very nice...”

::Wu-Fei is assisting Heero by programming some coordinates into the launcher’s computer, while Heero aligns the barrel at the correct angle. Space Ghost leans in close to the screen.::

SG. “Helloooooooooo... Are you boys listening? What are you doing in there?”

Zor. “Heh... heh, heh, heh... MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

::Wu gives Heero the thumbs-up, and Heero flips a switch. Instantaneously, a large warhead rockets out of the launcher. While Space Ghost still tries to get the boys’ attention, a whistling noise begins to fill the air, coming inevitably closer. Suddenly, the missile blasts through the roof connecting with the desk. A huge cloud of smoke erupts from the flaming explosion. Zorak and Moltar cough and hack as the overhead sprinkler system is triggered. After a few seconds, the blaze subsides, along with the smoke. Space Ghost is sitting, charred and quite unconscious in the pile of ashes that was his desk. On the screen, Wu-Fei is packing up the equipment, and Heero holds a plug in his hand.::

Zor., salutes “Thanks a heap, pal! This is the first time Space Creep got fried instead o’ ME!!!”

Hee. “Ninmu kanryou.[3]”

::He pulls the plug, and the image is replaced by static. The diabolical laugher of the two villains echoes off the Ghost Planet and into the cold reaches of space.::

**AAAAAAH... AAAAAAH.... AAAAH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...**

::CUE THE CREDITS AND CLOSING SEQUENCE...::

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*Episode #59.13p: Omae o Korosu*

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*{THE END}*

[1] Basically, the audience is full of Zorak’s numerous relatives, all Mantises. Just picture a bunch of Zorak’s, some with make-up, wigs, hats, etc.

[2] “Mission understood.”

[3] “Mission completed.”

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